Это в тему анекдота: "Алло, пожарная?- Да? Что случилось? - Да у нас тут врачи с милиционерами дерутся, я прям и не знаю, кому звонить..." :D
1. Мужчина в автобусе обращается к блондинке: - Девушка, вы на следующей остановке выходите? - Нет, я через одну. - Тогда давайте меняться. - То есть я на следующей, а вы через одну? 2. Парень говорит отцу своей подружки: - Конечно, я понимаю, что это только формальность, но не будете ли вы возражать, если я попрошу руки вашей дочери? - Кто тебе сказал, что это только формальность?! - в гневе отвечает тот. - Гинеколог. 3. Посетитель кафе обpащается к баpменy: - Мне что-нибyдь подешевле и попьянее. Баpмен отвечает: - Извините, но Зинка yшла несколько минyт назад... 4. Девушка раздевается у себя в квартире. Сняла платье, лифчик, трусики, стала смотреть на себя в зеркало, повернулась правым боком, левым, погладила себя по бедрам, приподняла грудь... Поворачивается и с ужасом видит, что за раскрытым окном висит люлька, а в ней штукатур. От неожиданности теряется и ошалело смотрит на этого штукатура. Он: - Ну что уставилась-то? Штукатура никогда не видала? 5. Катя Андреева в вечерних новостях: - Всего доброго. Увидимся в половине первого ночи! - Ага! Так я тебе и поверил! Как надоело это постоянное вранье на нашем ТВ.
- Ken Rockwell is the Chuck Norris of photography - Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P(erfect) Av(Awesome Priority) Tv(Totally Awesome Priority) M(ajestic) - Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his. - Sure, Ken Rockwell deletes a bad photo or two. Other people call these Pulitzers. - Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time. - Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is. - Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him. - Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth - Ken Rockwell ordered an L-lens from Nikon, and got one. - Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead. - When Ken Rockwell brackets a shot, the three versions of the photo win first place in three different categories - Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker - Once Ken tested a camera, he said I cant even put Canon on this one,thats how Pentax was born - Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once - Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident. - Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius - Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks. - Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you - Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure - Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope. - When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it. - Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes - On Ken Rockwell's desktop, the Trash Icon is really a link to National Geographic Magazine - Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d" - When Ken Rockwell went digital, National Geographic nearly went out of business because he was no longer phyically discarding photos - For every 10 shots that Ken Rockwell takes, 11 are keepers. - Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's. - Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF - Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button. - The term tripod was coined after his silhouette - Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer - A certain braind of hig-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" rockwell - Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts. - Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues